When I finally understood that what I had been religiously taught my entire life was a lie, and the God I came to regard as a father and protector was not real but a manipulation tool in the hands of wittier people, I felt completely lost. It wasn’t just because I had this structure of the world in my head that now had turned into illusion, it was also that my purpose for living, and more importantly, my purpose for suffering, was no longer there. No more could I look at my daily challenges and think, its going to be ok someday. No longer could I see the suffering of people I cared about, the deaths of people around me and my own fear of mortality and think, its ok, this is not permanent anyway, if I do right by my protector, my protector will spare me from all this. This is an impermanent lesson, this is just the run before the glory, this is just the gravel path towards eternal happiness.
When that gargantuan belief structure crumbles right before your eyes, you are left naked with nothing else but your own mortality. And then, for the first time ever, you must look into the deep, dark eyes of Death, accepting it is coming for you sooner than you think, and knowing that the only thing truly eternal is the darkness, not the light. And thus begins a process of grief, first and foremost. Grief for the incredibly powerful parental figure you lost. Grief for the illusion of world structure you were convinced of, and grief for the protection it offered. Then, a new process arises, an unexpected but welcome one:
The process of discovering true freedom. Follow for more thought provoking posts!